Five times Jack woke Sam up
by petitestars
Summary: Five times Jack woke Sam up...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Five times Jack woke Sam up 1/5

Author: petite_stars

Rating: PG

Summary: Five times Jack woke Sam up…

Pairing: Sam/Jack friendship to UST to Established S/J (different in each part)

Season: 1 through 10

Author's notes: I couldn't let Sam have all the fun, so now it's Jack's turn to wake Sam up. Thanks again to wanderingsmith for the beta on this part. Feedback is very much loved!

***

One (Season One - post Cold Lazarus, before Solitudes)

***

Sam Carter had the coolest life.

It had been five months since she had started at the SGC and travelling off world to other planets, exploring the galaxy and shooting bad guys was never going to get old. Their current mission however, had been lower down on the excitement scale; a simple overnight mineral survey. Daniel, who had slid down an embankment on the previous mission and injured his shoulder, hadn't been cleared to go, so it was just herself, Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill.

She'd enjoyed the day, spent most of it in the dirt collecting samples while the colonel tried to entice Teal'c into conversation, rather unsuccessfully. They set up camp north of the gate, at a good vantage point for Sam to do her morning observations on the planet's two suns. The team would scout a little further after Sam had completed her morning research then head back to the SGC at 1400 hours tomorrow.

Now she was on first watch, sitting alert in front of the fire. Colonel O'Neill had already retired to the shared tent while Teal'c was kel'no'reeming on the other side of the fire. He preferred to spend the nights off world outside; Sam suspected he missed the outdoors when on Earth, still very much confined to the base unless accompanied. He also provided the added benefit of a second body on watch; while meditating, Teal'c's observation skills were nonetheless heightened. It was incredible; the tall silent Jaffa was still quite an enigma.

As was Colonel O'Neill; Sam hadn't quite figured him out yet. She'd tried to get access to his file but had only succeeded in finding an extremely censored copy. He had a long history of black ops and the only major detail she had unearthed was that he had been a P.O.W. in Iraq. The knowledge that he'd survived what must had been an arduous ordeal had only made her respect him more; he was an experienced leader and a humorous and charismatic man. If he hadn't been her commanding officer, she would have been attracted to him; since he was her C.O. however, Sam had developed what she had secretly admitted to herself was just a bit of a case of 'hero worship', nothing more than that.

The night was cool, but the fire kept Sam relatively warm; glancing at her wristwatch, she saw it was nearly time for Teal'c to start second watch so she stood up and reluctantly moved away from the warmth and walked the perimeter. By the time she got back, Teal'c was waiting for her, sitting in her previous position near the fire.

"Is all well, Captain Carter?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah Teal'c, it's been quiet," Sam said, yawning, "I'll see you in the morning, have a good watch."

Teal'c nodded at her and Sam unzipped the tent flap, scooting inside, trying not to disturb the colonel who was asleep on the far side. It was only a small tent, just big enough for two sleeping bags with a bit of space between. Before long, Sam was ensconced warmly in her sleeping bag, her gun beside her, drifting off while listening to the crackling fire and the soft sound of the colonel's breathing.

She woke up abruptly to the sound of a loud yell. Flinching, Sam was up and out of her bag, in a defensive posture, her gun in her hands trying to find the source of the commotion. She turned to the colonel for orders, only to find the man thrashing about in his sleeping bag, clearly in the grips of a nightmare. She heard Teal'c unzip their tent and push his upper body inside.

"Captain Carter?" he asked her, urgent concern in his voice, "I heard yelling."

"I think it's just the colonel," Sam relaxed her stance, putting her weapon down and scooting over near O'Neill, her hand over him, "I think he's having a nightmare."

Teal'c frowned evidently not understanding the word, "Nightmare?"

"Er, now is probably not the time to explain," Sam said distractedly as she gripped O'Neill's shoulder and shook him, "Sir?" she called loudly, trying to wake him.

Jack moved lightning fast out his sleeping bag when she touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hands tightly and pushed her backwards, pinning her to the ground, her legs trapped between his own. Sam didn't even have time to yell in protest before one of his hands pulled hers above her head, his other arm rested against her throat, threatening to cut off her air supply.

She bucked underneath his heavy weight, trying to remember the moves her level three hand to hand classes had taught her. But she was no match for the black ops, combat veteran O'Neill, who was not only highly skilled, but much bigger than she was and knew how to throw his weight to block her. His greater muscle mass and surprise attack had given him too much of an upper hand and Sam was nearly defenceless beneath him.

"O'NEILL," Sam saw Teal'c's large arms wrap around the colonel's shoulders, wrenching Jack off her. Still thrashing, the colonel turned to punch Teal'c when he suddenly froze, his fist hovering in the air, his loud gasps the only sound in the tent.

"Teal'c?" His voice sounded tired and confused.

"Yes O'Neill," Teal'c was kneeling inside the tent, his large body did not fit comfortably, and with three of them in the tent there was not much free space.

"Shit, Carter?" Jack turned frantically looking for Sam who was picking herself up off the ground, "Did I…?"

"Fine sir," Sam tried to sound calm and reassuring as she met his eyes evenly. Her heart was pounding and adrenaline rushed through her veins, readying her for attack, it wasn't every day your C.O. had a waking nightmare and tried to throttle you, "You okay sir?"

"Yeah," the colonel pushed passed Teal'c, aiming for the hole in the tent, "Bad dream, go back to sleep."

He left the tent, and the two stunned teammates, behind. Teal'c looked uneasy as he stared after the colonel.

"Is he affected by something on this planet, Captain Carter?" Teal'c looked like he wanted to follow the colonel but Sam knew that that was the last thing her C.O. would want. Her Air Force father had suffered similar nightmares, and she had vague memories of finding him alone in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning; even young as she had been, she'd understood that his body language screamed 'give me space', it was the same tension the colonel's body had now, "Should we return to the SGC for medical aid?"

"No Teal'c," Sam shook her head and tried to explain to the confused Jaffa, "It looked like it was just a nightmare. Uh, a bad dream, like, you relive fears, kinda like a movie when you're asleep."

"Is it customary to wake violently from a nightmare?" Teal'c asked.

"Not always, depends on the person," Sam said, finally feeling her heart return to a normal rhythm as the quiet calm of the tent was restored, "They can be random occurrences or related to a bad experience which stimulates them, sort of your subconscious dealing with trauma…" Sam trailed off; she could only guess at what the colonel dreamt about, black ops and war prisoner aside, he had also lost a son in the most awful way possible.

"I see," Teal'c said, he didn't sound completely reassured but he seemed to trust her, "I have two hours still left on my watch." Teal'c disappeared back out of the tent and Sam busied herself with righting the sleeping bags and their gear which had been tossed around in the struggles.

She rubbed a hand against her throat absently, still feeling the pressure of his arm as Jack had leant his weight down to choke her. She shivered; the colonel knew what he was doing, she hadn't even had the chance to make a noise before he had her pinned, if Teal'c hadn't been there…

"Carter?" As the colonel slipped back inside the small space, Sam pushed their packs to the back of the tent and, kneeling on her sleeping bag, turned to face the colonel, "I… how's your throat?"

"You didn't do any damage sir." Sam said, and it was the truth, he hadn't done any damage. Maybe given her a fright, but she'd had worse in basic training.

"If you want to bring me up on charges I'll…"

"No sir!" Sam said loudly, horrified he would think she would want charges against him, "It was nothing… I should have been more careful in waking you."

The colonel shook his head, "Carter, I assaulted you without reason, you should…"

"No sir," this time Sam put a bit of the bite she had learned from the colonel into her voice, "We can just forget this happened, okay? I won't say anything and neither will Teal'c." Sam knew she could vouch for Teal'c without talking to him, the Jaffa had sworn allegiance to O'Neill and Sam knew he would never give him up.

The colonel looked at her for a long moment and Sam couldn't read the expression on his face, "All right, get some sleep Captain." his voice was just an unreadable as his face.

She shifted back into her sleeping bag, wanting to say something but knowing the colonel wouldn't appreciate her interference. He was an extremely private man, she hadn't even known he had been married with a child before Daniel had told her. They socialised off base on occasion, but mostly it had focused on going to pubs or local haunts that they could take Teal'c to and introduce him to Earth's culture without attracting too much attention. She hadn't really learned much at all about Jack O'Neill, she knew enough about Colonel O'Neill, but the military man was undoubtedly very different when he was away from his rank and in his own space.

She rolled over in her sleeping bag, turning onto her side and facing the colonel. She was surprised to find him sitting on top of the bag, showing no inclination of going back to sleep himself, "Sir, aren't you going to go back to sleep?"

"I will Carter," he said, and this time Sam could hear the tiredness in his voice, "Just give me a minute."

Sam shifted again, uncomfortable. She'd never been good with emotion and men, hadn't had much experience with them in truth; her dad was a typical stoic military man and her only serious relationships had mostly been with Air Force men who had the same 'way of the warrior' approach to emotion.

"Sir, are you…" Sam couldn't help but ask him; he looked tired and beaten, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it, "Okay?"

The colonel turned to look at her and he smiled at her but Sam could see it was forced, "Nothing to worry about Captain, go to sleep."

She spoke her next words softly, "If you need to talk, I… can keep a secret."

"Have no doubt that you can, Captain," the colonel said, his voice genuine, "But I don't do the talking thing. I don't need to. Now go to sleep."

Sam could hear the order in his voice; he hadn't sounded mad, but she could hear the slight 'back off' tone to his words. She closed her eyes, determined to go back to sleep; she would stop pushing, it wasn't her place, he was her C.O., and it wasn't appropriate. She felt a little wary about how much concern and empathy she was feeling for him; she hadn't been this involved with any of her previous C.O.'s. _It was just the situation_, she told herself, the close quarters and near death experiences had bonded them more closely than would have otherwise occurred. It was completely normal, comradeship and friendship developed through intense situations that tied her to him, exactly as it did the rest of the team. Nothing else.

Sam was almost asleep when she heard the colonel whisper to her softly, "Next time you want to wake me up Captain, chuck a boot at me." His voice was light but Sam knew he meant his words.

She smiled, hearing him rustle around and lay down in his sleeping bag. She relaxed, feeling the events of the night slip away as she gave into the weariness of her body. The colonel was fine, he was a big boy and didn't need his 2IC to hold his hand while he slept, he'd be fine. She listened to the rhythmic sound of his breathing, and the crackle of the fire as she once again drifted off to sleep.

***


	2. Chapter 2

Please heed warnings!

Rating: Adult  
Warnings: Adult imagery, brief mention of non-con

Author's notes: I couldn't let Sam have all the fun, so now it's Jack's turn to wake Sam up. Thanks to lareinaSelena for the beta. Feedback is very much loved!

Two (Post Out of Mind/Into the Fire)

_***_

_A flash of red hair. _

_The feel of its skin, cold and scaly as it slid across his chest and then a sharp, blinding pain as it pierced the back of his neck. He felt it curl tight around his spine, then further pain as it__s__ tendrils forced their way into soft tissue. Confusion, fear and anger swelled through him as the symbiote delved into his mind, ripping through his memories and leaving them scattered and torn. The symbiote grew more bold as it gained power, strengthening itself while weakening Jack in return. He pushed against it with all the power and energy he had left, and he could sense the symbiote__'__s annoyance._

_Do not fight me. I will win. The voice echoed emotionlessly through his mind. It wasn__'__t the harsh, metallic, tones of a Goa__'__uld but one completely devoid of human sound, it was soulless._

_Never._

_Images flashed through his mind. His own hand, encased in a ribbon device__**,**__ Daniel kneeling in agony at his feet. His hands on Carter, punching and kicking her, he drew out a knife as she begged him to stop__…_

_No!_

_If you do not fight, I will make their deaths quick._

_Lying, parasitic snake._

_You know our kind well._

_Lay one hand on my team and you will regret it._

_It will not be my hand __…__ it will be yours._

"No!" Jack shouted himself awake in the empty room. He gasped as he reorientedhimself, taking in the familiar sight of his bedroom. He lay back down again muttering to himself, "Just a dream."

It had been two days since they had returned from being captured by Hathor. The first night he had spent in the infirmary, Janet fussing over him as she ran test after test to work out whether being cryogenically frozen with a symbiote had done any permanent damage. Carter and Daniel had kept him company, Carter was in for the terrible headaches that resulted from being tortured with the ribbon device and Daniel for the injury to his leg. However he suspected the real reason they had all been kept in was just because Janet had missed the whole team and wanted to keep them all in her sight for at least one night. Teal'c had even meditated in the room, not leaving their side for a single moment since they had returned to Earth.

Until of course they had all been cleared to leave the base this afternoon. Jack had high tailed it home, taken a steaming hot shower, ordered pizza and parked himself on the couch and caught up on The Simpsons episodes he had missed thanks to Siler, who had taped them for him even after he had been declared MIA. He owed him for that one. Jack closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind and go back to sleep.

_It was cold. So very cold. He couldn__'__t move his limbs, he couldn__'__t even feel his limbs._

_You will not win this way_

_The soulless voice was weaker but still he could feel it__s__ defiance._

_I don__'__t think so._

_He longed for a hot shower, a heated blanket or a warm body to hold. He was so very cold._

_Images again assaulted him, of Daniel his eyes blank as he stood at the side of Hathor, her hand stroking his face in a tender caress. His hands around Carter__'__s throat__**;**__ her panicked gasps echoing loudly as she grew pale, her eyes rolled back in her head and he was left holding her dead limp body._

_Not going to happen._

_Hathor will have the boy. I will take the woman, she is pleasing to the eye._

_Don__'__t even think about touching Carter._

_Why not, it has crossed your mind before._

_Liar._

_You forget I am a part of you now. I have more and more access to your thoughts the longer we are together. I know you wish to touch her skin, see her naked body writhing in pleasure._

_Shut up. Just shut up._

_Images of Carter, naked, her legs wrapped around him as she responded eagerly to his kiss. The feel of her soft, warm skin and the taste of her lips as he thrust roughly inside her. The almost painful tension in his spine as he neared release and the pleasure threatened to overwhelm him, her moans growing louder, spurring him on__…__._

_STOP_

_Don__'__t you want me to give this to you?_

_Jack pushed as hard as he could. I won__'__t do it. I won__'__t let you do it._

_If you will not agree I will not make it easy on her._

_Carter pinned down, terrified eyes locked on his as his own hand struck her across the face and he tore at her clothes. Please sir, don__'__t do it__…__ please stop__…__ you__'__re hurting me__…_

_NO_

_Jack pushed again with every bit of strength he had left. The cold grew more intense and Jack realized if he was going to win, he was going to have to embrace the freezing cold and let the symbiote succumb to the ice._

_I will not let you win._

_Again the voice was weaker._

_Well I won__'__t let you win._

_Jack let the cold overwhelm him, it felt like ice was forming in his veins and for the first time he could feel the hold of the Goa__'__uld start to waver._

_You will not win._

_The second you threatened my team__…__ you__'__d already lost._

Jack awoke with a start, shivering feeling cold and damp. His sheets were soaked with his sweat and his boxers clung uncomfortably to his skin. He got out of bed quickly, stripped his lower sheet and took off his boxers, throwing them on the floor. Then he went straight to the bathroom, turned on his shower and stepped into the water as soon as steam filled the room.

The scalding water felt like needles against his icy cold skin and Jack shuddered as warmth finally penetrated into his body. He leaned his arms against the shower wall, standing under the hot spray trying to forget the image of Carter's terrified eyes as he tore her clothes and taunted her.

_Not real. Didn__'__t happen. Wasn__'__t you. Didn__'__t happen. She__'__s fine. You didn__'__t hurt her. Home. Safe._

Thoughts tumbled through his mind at an ever increasing speed. He stayed under the shower until the hot water turned lukewarm. Then he dried off, and dressed in the heaviest sweats he owned, he pulled his favorite beanie onto his head and slumped back onto his bed, still without a lower sheet, and pulled his heavy blankets over his body.

"Son of a bitch," Jack muttered, "If that damn snake wasn't already dead…"

The second he thought of the snake, the images of Carter, terrified and begging entered his mind again. He tried to forget them, to think of something else but the memory of her horror was too strong for him to ignore.

_Not a memory. A god damned fake. It didn__'__t happen._

Still the images tumbled through his mind. Frustrated Jack ground the heels of his palms into his eyes, he would do anything for them to stop. Anything. He just didn't know how to make them. Somebody might know though, the only other person who had been snaked and survived… Carter would know.

He'd picked up the phone and dialed her number before he realized that at 0300 hours, she was probably asleep. She picked up however, and her sleepgraveled voice immediately eased some of the tension in his gut, "Hello?"

"Carter?" it took a moment for him to get her name out of his suddenly dry mouth.

"Colonel? What's going on? Is it the SGC?" he could practically hear Carter as her brain ticked over and she panicked over the early morning phone call. She was suddenly alert and he could hear rustling as she got out of bed.

"No nothing's wrong… at the SGC." He tried to keep his voice even, but suspected she could hear the uncertainty in his tone.

"Okay," her voice softened and he could hear the rustling again as she got back into bed. He tried not to think about what she would look like all sleep tussled and in her nightclothes, he wondered briefly what she wore to bed, "What did you need sir?"

Jack paused at her words, _what did he need? _He wasn't sure anymore. He'd wanted the images to stop, but the second he had heard her voice they had gone away.

"I…"

She seemed to understand, she knew him too well. Sometimes it scared Jack how well she knew him, until he remembered that it went both ways and for the most part he could read her like a book.

"Is this about the symbiote?"

Jack didn't answer her; she waited for awhile before continuing.

"It's hard, I know. But it's gone, it never had the chance to fully blend. There is no trace of naquada, no protein marker. You're you."

Jack sighed, "I know."

"The memories though… they are harder to forget." she sounded hesitant, "It helps to talk, to sort through what you see rather than shut it away."

"Talking's not really my style Carter," he said, a little stronger this time, "I just want to forget them."

He heard her sigh, "I'm not sure I can help with that sir."

He closed his eyes and thought for a moment, "I think you already are helping."

"Really?"

"Talk to me Carter, about anything, your latestdoohickey, what really happened when you got trapped in the elevator with Simmons and Walter, what Cassie's been up to. Anything, just … let me hear your voice." he tried to keep his voice calm but he knew he sounded slightly desperate.

"Okay… I uh played chess with Cassie this evening actually… She's getting really good I think she might…."

Jack let her voice fill his mind, listening not so much to her words but the warmth of her voice as she spoke about her adopted 'niece' and he pictured the smile on her face as she was speaking, the lightness of her eyes and the cute little wrinkle she got between her eyebrows when she laughed. He wasn't sure how long he let her speak for but suddenly he felt tired, the horrifying images seemed far away, all he could remember was the sound of her voice.

"Carter?" he interrupted her mid babble about the latest piece of alien technology that was stumping her in the lab.

"Yes sir?"

"I think you can stop now," He was sure she could stop, he felt calm and at peace, no longer haunted by the dead symbiote.

"Are you sure?" she sounded like she was completely willing to talk for the rest of the night if that's what he needed. He could never tell her how much he appreciated what she did for him, he didn't have the words.

"Yeah, goodnight Carter," he felt relaxed for the first time since they had been back, "Thank you."

"Anytime Colonel," Sam's voice was earnest, "I mean that, just call."

"Goodnight."

Jack shut off the phone and closed his eyes.

_Blonde hair and blue eyes. A smile on her face and curiosity which burned from her eyes. He was in her lab, fiddling with a device on her desk. She took it from his hands and smiled at him indulgently._

"_What do you want to talk about sir?__"_

"_Anything, Carter__…__ surprise me.__"_

_***_

End Part Two


	3. Chapter 3

Three (Season 5 - post Between Two Fires)

***

At 0300 hours on a Saturday morning, the SGC was eerily quiet. Jack strolled the hallways in an effort to keep himself awake and alert. He was on command night duty of the base. The job was shared by all SG team leaders; as senior officers, they were required, on a rotational basis, to provide night command of the facility. Jack was pulling the weekend shift after losing a bet to Reynolds that meant he had to give up his weekday night duty for the much less desirable weekend roster.

The SGC had been blessedly quiet while on Jack's watch and he'd kept himself occupied by annoying the gate technicians, drinking copious amounts of coffee and avoiding the massive pile of paperwork Hammond had left as a hint on the desk. When he'd grown tired of annoying the gate techs, he'd taken to walking the silent corridors, enjoying the peace and quiet that was unusual for the frontline facility.

It had been a rough couple of months. They'd lost too many people, too many allies were gone, and the constant threat of impending doom was starting to take its toll. Even the resilient SG1 was starting to show cracks; Daniel had been getting more and more snippy and Carter had buried herself even worse than usual in her lab. Teal'c showed his ever-present strong façade but Jack could see the worry in his dark eyes. Daniel he was a little concerned about; some of his barbs had taken on a sharper note than usual. But he was still, for the most part, holding up under the strain.

It was Carter he was most worried about. She in particular had lost a number of close friends within a short space of time. Martouf, Orlin, Narim and even Joe had joined the ever growing list of admirers who had bitten the dust. He was reasonably sure that she hadn't been anything but close friends with any of the men she had lost, Jack didn't like to delve too deeply into his discomfort with Carter having male company. Still, thankfully she'd never shown anything but friendship towards any of the men, as far as he was aware, but that didn't mean their losses hadn't hit her hard. Jack knew that despite the strong image she projected, Sam had taken each loss to heart and had consequently withdrawn further into herself with each incident. It was only three weeks since the Aschen mission, and Jack knew it was killing her inside that she had left Joe behind. He'd supported her decision; as much as it was his own personal rule to never leave a man behind, Carter had had no choice and he had strongly voiced his thoughts at the lengthy debriefing with Simmons which had followed.

Nothing any of them seemed to say had lifted the fog of failure and sadness that seemed to follow Sam wherever she went. She barely left her lab, not even to join them for lunch or for their regular team nights.

Jack entered the hallway that led to the major's lab and frowned when he saw a light from the doorway. He knew she'd been staying late, and he'd let it slide as he couldn't bear to take the only bit of comfort she still had, but this was getting ridiculous. He surged forward, suddenly angry; not at Carter but at the whole damned situation. It wasn't fair that she had to deal with this, not when she'd done so much good for the world.

Her lab was surprisingly quiet and he stopped just inside when he spotted Carter, her head resting on her folded arms on her lab desk. He sighed; she was fast asleep, her face peaceful, but her skin was pale and there were dark shadows beneath her closed eyes that told of not enough sunlight and too many late nights. Her right hand loosely grasped a pen and he could just see crumpled paper under her arms; she'd obviously worked right up to the point of exhaustion, until her tired body couldn't take any more.

His heart clenched painfully at the sight of her and he was loathe to disturb her but he couldn't leave her in that hunched-over position. She'd have a terrible back ache when she woke if she slept like that all night. He put a warm hand on her shoulder and shook her awake.

"Carter?" His voice was soft, but loud enough to wake her. Carter started and lifted her head quickly.

"What?" She sounded sleepy and confused as she reoriented herself to the lab, "Sir?"

"Caught you sleeping on the job, Carter…" Jack kept his tone light, trying not to show the worry in his eyes.

"Oh, sorry sir, I was just working on the schematics for the reactor and I closed my eyes for just a second." Carter sounded flustered as she smoothed out the papers she had crumpled.

"Don't sweat it, Carter," Jack said gently, "How 'bout you go bunk down for a few hours in your quarters."

"I need to finish the-"

"No," Jack said more firmly, "What you need is to sleep."

"It will only take five minutes, sir," Sam tried to argue, but her pleading blue eyes would not work on him this time.

"No, Carter," Jack took the papers out of her hands, "You're dead on your feet, we have a mission in three days and I need you at 100%. Understood?"

Sam dropped her eyes, sounding worried, "Has my work performance suffered?"

Jack shook his head firmly; Carter's work never suffered, she was the model officer and performed every task required of her no matter what the stress involved. That wasn't the point though; sooner or later she wouldn't be able to hold so much on her shoulders. She needed to rest.

"No, but it's not healthy to spend so much time with your doohickie's, Carter," Jack said evenly and his wandering hands picked up a strange metal box from her lab bench. He fiddled with the lid, trying to find the catch that would open it, "You never leave, not even for lunch, and I can't remember the last time you came to a team night."

"I've had work to do, sir," Sam said, her tone wary as she reached out and smoothly took the box from his hands and put it out of his reach, "I do leave the lab."

"But you're avoiding us." Jack said, his voice serious and his hands suddenly still, "What's going on?"

"Nothings going on," Sam shook her head, "I'm not avoiding anyone."

"Yes you are," Jack said uncomfortably, "Look, I know the past year or so you've lost some good friends…"

Sam turned away slightly, "I'm fine, we lose people all the time."

"You lost a lot of people important to you Carter," Jack reached out his hand and put it close to hers on the bench, not touching but close enough so she could feel the heat from his skin, "I know it's hard but we can't help you if you shut yourself away."

Sam shook her head again in denial, "I don't need help."

"Carter you look like crap," Jack said bluntly, "You don't sleep, hardly eat and never socialise with anything that's not electrical. It's not affecting your work yet, but it will start to if you don't stop this and talk to someone… doesn't have to be me but you gotta stop hiding."

Sam was silent for a long while, her head bent so that Jack couldn't see her face. He felt awful about giving her such a blazing critique but he had no other way of getting through to her. Letting her deal with it herself wasn't working, Daniel and Teal'c had tried to no avail and the subtle approach had failed.

"It's my fault," her voice was almost a whisper, "It's my fault they're all gone."

Jack frowned, he wasn't surprised she blamed herself, that was true to Carter's usual style, but to truly believe she was at fault for all those men, and one actual race, must have been too great a weight to bear, "How'd ya figure that, Carter?"

"I left Joe behind, I did nothing as Orlin was killed, Narim would never have done anything against his people if it wasn't for… how he felt about me. And Martouf… I killed him." Her voice was anguished now and her words became muffled as she buried her face in her hands.

"You had no choice with Joe," Jack started with the most recent, he'd already told her this but it seemed that maybe persistence was his only option, "We can all take the blame for his… loss. You know we'll never stop looking for him."

"I know," Sam's voice sounded like she'd given up, "They've probably killed him."

"I don't think that's the Aschen style, Carter, he's probably living the farmer's life now," Jack said. He probably was; assuming, that is, he'd survived whatever methods of torture the Aschen practiced in order to gain information - but he wasn't about to share that thought with Carter.

"Maybe." Sam shrugged sadly.

"Orlin… he made his own choice, and I doubt he's dead, didn't you say he did the whole glowy thing?" Jack didn't know much about the Ancient being who had followed Carter home through the gate. He didn't like to think about it much; the thought that Carter had become so close to the other man made him uncomfortable and touched on feelings of jealously he had no right to have.

"I guess." Another shrug, but this time she looked almost like she believed him, or that she wanted to believe him.

"Narim.. he was an honourable guy Carter, he did the right thing. You know that, and to blame yourself for his fate and what happened to the Tollan… they brought that on themselves." Jack didn't like the Tollan, had never liked them, but Narim had done Earth a huge favor and he'd always be thankful to him for that, no matter how much the guy had irritated him with his puppy dog eyes at Carter, "The Tollan weren't innocent, but Narim was a good guy. I'm sorry he paid for their mistakes, but he made his decision to stay with his people. His decision, not yours."

"I know," Carter seemed to at least understand with Narim. As hard as it must have been to lose another friend, she was not directly responsible for his demise, no matter which way she spun the story.

"Martouf…" Jack trailed off, the Tok'ra in general were not a topic they usually discussed, and they avoided the topic of the zatarc incident at all costs. Not so much because of Martouf, but because of the confessions made on that day, which were still locked away in that room. He'd never seen eye to eye with Martouf, but the guy always had Carter's best interests at heart, and any fool with eyes could see that he loved her not so much for herself but for the dead lover's memories she carried within her. Jack found it creepy, he suspected Carter did too, but she was still Martouf's friend despite not returning any romantic feelings the Tok'ra had projected, it had killed him to see her grieve over his death and not be able to do anything to comfort her.

"You can't deny I killed Martouf, sir." Sam said defiantly, her voice anguished, "I pulled the trigger."

"You may have pulled the trigger Carter, but you didn't make him a zatarc… you didn't create that situation," Jack replied before she could further confirm her guilt.

"I should have made sure he got tested," Sam didn't seem to hear him, her eyes looked blankly past him as she spoke, "I should have found another way than to kill him."

"Carter, you had your own worries at the time," Jack said loudly, trying to get through to her, "No one picked it up. It wasn't just you who missed that one."

"I should have been the one to notice."

"Why?"

"Because I…" She stopped and just shook her head despairingly.

"It's Jolinar's guilt you're feeling Carter. Yes you pulled the trigger, but it wasn't your fault he wasn't tested. You did your duty as an officer in the gateroom, you did what Martouf wanted, asked you to do as a friend; you did the right thing and saved lives," Jack said passionately. He believed his words; as much as Sam tried to ignore Jolinar's presence, he knew that the symbiote could still be felt. She still had the memories inside her and she could feel the emotions as if they were her own. He knew she had dreams about the Tok'ra, had heard her mumble phrases in her sleep while off world, dreams from which she would wake disoriented sometimes and need a shake into reality before she resettled.

Sam closed her eyes and whispered, "I still see his face…"

Jack moved his hand to grasp hers tightly and said softly, "He wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

She just sighed deeply, "I'm kind of tired, sir."

Jack decided he'd probably said all he could in one night. He'd leave the rest for a much more tactful Daniel, who could maybe reach out to Sam now, Jack seemed to only have minimal success reaching out to Major Carter, but clearly the woman behind the major was still hurting. But it wasn't right for him to fix that, he was her C.O. and it wasn't how things were done between them, no matter how much he wanted to.

"How about I walk you to your quarters," he said as he slowly slipped his hand free of hers and waited while she shut down her lab equipment. They walked in silence to her quarters and Jack stopped her before she could open the door.

"You don't have to avoid us," Jack said an almost hurt tone in his voice, "I still don't get that."

Sam looked up at him briefly before her eyes flicked away from his face, her voice was quiet, "I just… I'm bad luck sir."

Jack scoffed, "Carter that's ridiculous."

"Is it sir?" Sam said, her voice sure and her eyes holding a sort of grim resolve, "I've heard the rumours… 'black widow Carter'."

"Who said that?" Jack snapped angrily, he'd transfer the bastards to Alaska. No, to Russia; and he'd demote them down to Airman. That was after he'd had the chance to rearrange their face, and let Teal'c and Daniel have a go at them too.

"It doesn't matter," Sam mumbled, "I've lost… I couldn't lose you… guys too."

Jack let the anger slide away at her quiet words tinged with despair, "Goes both ways Carter, we don't wanna lose you. But," he paused and waited until she looked into his concerned face, "It kinda feels like we are losing you, just a bit."

Jack held Sam's eyes for a long moment, letting his words sink in. He waited until the resolve faded from her eyes and she nodded, "I guess, maybe I was being a little stupid about avoiding you."

"Stupid? You?" Jack lightened his voice, trying to get rid of the sombre expression on her face, "You don't have it in you, Carter."

Her lips quirked into a half smile but her heart wasn't in it, "That's something else we'll have to disagree on."

"Something else?" Jack raised his eyebrows, he assumed she was still feeling at least some of the blame she seemed to placed on herself. The woman had to have some sort of complex, "At least think on some of what I said, Carter."

"Yes sir," Sam nodded. Jack wasn't sure, but he hoped she actually would hear the sense behind what they had discussed.

"Ya know, I am right; once in awhile," Jack said with a small smile, "Now go to sleep."

"Good night sir." Sam slipped into her quarters.

Jack watched her door for a moment before letting his feet lead him away. He paced the corridors on her level for half an hour, making sure she didn't try to escape back into her lab, but it seemed as though she had finally gone to sleep. He returned to the control room, his shoulders feeling heavy at the weight he had seen in Carter's eyes. He hoped he had done some good; it was all he could do, not all he wanted to, but all he was allowed.

***

End Part Three


	4. Chapter 4

Four (After Ba'al)

Jack couldn't sleep.

Hours had passed since he'd come through the gate, pulling Shayla, the witness to his days of horror with Ba'al, with him. He'd since been in Doctor Frasier's very capable hands; she'd given him a thorough physical and had found that despite exhaustion and malnutrition he had no discernable injuries. It was only after she had taken a closer look at his clothes, with the acid holes and knife marks, that she had questioned him on the sarcophagus use.

He'd told Janet the truth, as close as he was willing to part with anyway, and had debriefed with Hammond quickly, a more in depth debriefing would take place tomorrow. _That_, Jack was not looking forward to. For now he was relegated to a night's stay in Janet's care, while he was observed for signs of sarcophagus withdrawal and what he knew they all suspected but wouldn't say in front of him; mental trauma.

He'd done the torture thing before, being captured and held against his will was nothing new to Jack. But even he had limits, and being literally tortured to death, revived and killed again for information he didn't know he had, had been as close to he'd ever gotten to reaching them. He didn't want to even think about if he'd been in there just one more day… he wouldn't have escaped. He would have given up.

Jack rolled over in the infirmary bed, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't that he was fighting sleep or that he was afraid of the dreams, he just wasn't tired. His mind had too much to process, to much to think through. Shayla had given a report to General Hammond just before the Tok'ra had come through the gate and taken her with them; there had barely been enough time for her to give Jack a smile in goodbye. Jack was almost relieved that she had left; he didn't want the reminder of his time in Ba'al's torture chamber, nor did he want anything around that would trigger the memories of his brief time spent with Kanan.

He hoped that snake was dead. Long dead and trampled on and ground into the floor like the cowardly, spineless parasite that it was. Kanan had kept his distance from Jack when they had first blended; Jack wasn't aware of much to begin with, he'd been too sick to really notice the extra presence in his mind. But as he'd gotten stronger, he'd grown more aware of the Tok'ra, who was just as arrogant and self-righteous as the rest of his race. It wasn't until Jack had stumbled across the memory of Shayla that he'd felt something vaguely familiar. The memory of the woman that had been left behind was human, almost, in its intensity and realness. It was that day, when he'd prodded a little too far into Kanan's memories, that the damn Tok'ra had hijacked his body in an attempt to rescue Shayla. However, the cowardly symbiote couldn't face torture and had bailed on Jack at the first opportunity, leaving him alone to deal with Ba'al and his sick games.

It was the second time he had been snaked. Both times he'd come out the other side completely snake free, no naquadah or protein marker like Carter had from Jolinar, just a bunch of bad memories and an even more intense dislike of snakes. He just owed the little bastard his life, although he wasn't entirely sure the price he'd paid had been worth it.

The snake wasn't the worst thing; Ba'al and his bag of sadistic torture tricks had been by far Jack's least favourite venture into Goa'uld crazy town, even though it had given him the chance to see Daniel; although he was starting to doubt his realness. He wasn't going to revisit it now, even in his memories, there would be time enough for that at the debriefing in the morning. He'd keep the Daniel stuff to himself; the shrinks would already be onto him, didn't need to give them more fuel. He could only hope it would be a private debrief, he wasn't sure he would be able to have Carter and Teal'c's eyes on him as he spoke of what had happened. He already saw the blame Carter had placed on herself, no doubt for asking him to take the symbiote.

He could never say no to her. It was a weird power she had over him that he liked to deny existed. What was worse, she knew it too. She never used it against him, ever. Unless it was absolutely necessary, like to save lives; save his own life.

Jack closed his eyes and feigned sleep when he heard soft footsteps come around the corner, concerned it was Janet or one of nurses making sure he was resting; with a needle full of sedatives in their hand in case he wasn't. The light footsteps weren't those of medical personnel though; he finally recognised the subtle smell of Carter's perfume as the steps grew closer, the very woman he could not say no too.

He continued to fake sleep, listening as a stool scraped softly on the floor to settle beside his bed. He felt the warmth of her body from where she sat close to him, then the soft touch of her hand against his own as she laced her fingers with his.

"I'm really sorry sir," Her voice was soft and Jack realised there was no way she would have touched him or said the words unless she believed he had been given something to help him sleep. Carter had seen her share of his nightmares, and knew to take caution with her sleeping C.O., it seemed she'd been misinformed as to his medication. He didn't care what the reason was for her presence though, he was just glad to not be alone with only his thoughts for company.

He felt the mattress to his side depress slightly as she dropped her head to the bed. Light shudders coursed through the bed as she cried; she wasn't sobbing but she was shaking just enough that Jack could feel it. His heart ached to comfort her, but he knew she would only be embarrassed and back-peddle if he were to break his feigned sleep and touch her. Slowly, the shaking stopped and Carter's breathing evened out into a steady rhythm. She was asleep.

He waited a while before opening his eyes and looking down at her still form. Her head was turned ever so slightly towards him; even in sleep he could see the lines of stress on her face that his disappearance had caused. He ached to smooth them away with his lips, but settled for running a light fingertip against the deepest line in her forehead.

It was such a gentle touch, but it was enough to wake the lightly sleeping major; she opened her eyes and locked them onto his own. He couldn't look away, he couldn't even bring himself to move his hand from where it rested on her forehead. For a long time they just stared into each other's eyes, reaffirming each other of the other's steady presence on the bed.

"Sir," It was Carter's soft voice that broke the silence, "You should get some sleep."

"So should you…" Jack pointed out lightly. He moved his fingers through her hair, not caring that he shouldn't be doing it. He'd just been tortured to death multiple times by a completely sadistic Goa'uld. He was willing to bend their self-imposed boundaries _just this once_.

"I could stay awhile," Sam said, she didn't seem to mind the fingers brushing through her hair, in fact, her eyes were half closed and she looked relaxed**.**

Jack nodded, "Guess I could use the company."

He was starting to feel tired, the familiar scent of her perfume and her warm gaze through slitted eyes was having an almost sedative-like effect on his over-active mind, he felt warm and safe, like he really was actually home, "Carter?" he murmured sleepily.

"Yes?"

"Talk to me," Jack said quietly, "About anything… just talk to me."

Sam smiled, "Sure… I'll fill you in on the mission to Stevenson later, but what you really want to hear about is the time I had to spend with Jonas and Teal'c in this tiny little motel room…"

Her voice was quiet and soothing. Jack closed his eyes, letting his fingers rest gently in her hair and listening to her speak as he slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

***

End Part Four


	5. Chapter 5

Five (After season ten, before Sam goes to Atlantis)

It was 1500 on Friday afternoon and Jack O'Neill was feeling good.

In three hours he'd be done for the day and could leave his stuffy office for his apartment. It wasn't the apartment he was looking forward to though; no, it was the blonde Air Force colonel who would be flying in that evening to spend the entire weekend with him. He couldn't wait.

They balanced their relationship between Colorado Springs and D.C.; whenever either of them had a couple days of downtime, they would fly over and spend it together. It wasn't perfect, or even ideal, but it was all they had and after eight years of barely being able to touch, it had to be enough.

Jack pulled another SGC report in front of him and began to scan the contents, his mind only half on the details, the other half was planning where to take Carter, or better yet, how to convince her to spend the entire weekend in their bed, naked. He didn't think he'd have much trouble convincing her, she was just as eager as he was to make up for lost time…

The ringing of his cell phone halted that rather pleasant thought; he recognized the SGC number and answered immediately, "O'Neill?"

"Jack, hi," It was Carter, her warm voicesounding tired.

"Carter," Jack felt his stomach fall, "Shouldn't you be fifteen thousand feet above me right now?"

"I'm sorry," her voice was apologetic, "I had a bit of an accident on the mission today."

"You okay?" Jack's heart sped up, accident meant many a different things in Carter-speak, it could mean she'd done anything from sprain her ankle to lose a limb.

"Yeah, knock to the head and I broke my arm," she said and he could hear the pain in her voice, "Carolyn's letting me go home but hasn't cleared me to fly, I'm so sorry."

"Ah hell Carter," Jack hated that she kept apologising, "Stop saying sorry, I'm just glad you've got all your bits attached."

He heard her giggle tiredly, before she sobered, "I was _really_ looking forward to this weekend, Jack."

"Me too." Jack said simply, matching her sombre tone.

They stayed on the line in silence for a while, just listening to each other breath**.** It had been six long weeks since he'd last seen her, touched her, kissed her lips and made her moan. It wasn't just the physical contact that he longed for; the sound of her laugh, her excited babble and the warm contentment he felt whenever she was near had left a cold spot in his life. He missed her, so god damned much.

He heard her yawn and knew it was time to let her go, "You got someone to drive you home?"

"Mmm, yeah Daniel," she said sleepily.

"Go home Carter," Jack said, a plan formulating in his mind, "Get some sleep."

"Okay," he could hear the smile in her voice, "Love you."

"Love you too." They never seemed to say them in person but they always ended their phone conversations with those words. Their relationship was permanent, Jack had no doubt about that, he didn't need a ring on her finger to know that, but he supposed they both had too many failed relationships in which the words 'love' had been said perhaps a little too much. He supposed they rationed their 'I love yous' in person, it meant so much more than if he said it everyday. Well, at least that was how he felt, he wasn't sure about Sam. In person, he only had to look into her eyes to see how much she loved him, she didn't need to say the words. He only hoped she got the same knowledge from him, not from his eyes, but from his hands, with which he tried to brand the love he felt for her into her skin. He said 'I love you' over the phone simply because he couldn't give the message with his hands. She never complained, or said otherwise, and Jack was confident in his Carter-reading skills that he thought she understood.

He didn't need a ring, and he knew Sam didn't want one. She had two failed engagements, and in a late night conversation, she had simply said that whatever was between them was deeper than any other relationship she'd ever had. She didn't need marriage, she'd gone down that path before and failed to make it to the alter twice, she didn't want to tempt fate a third time. Jack had wanted to tell her that 'third time's the charm', but he agreed; they had been together in some way or another for ten years and the bond between them would be no different with a marriage license. He didn't have the desire to become Mr Carter so badly that he was going to scare away the person he loved most, as deep down he suspected Sam's worries over marriage boiled down to fear more than anything else. No, he was quite happy with the way things were, distance excluded of course.

As soon as they disconnected, Jack was on the phone again. Before long he was booked on a flight to Colorado Springs that night, he'd be with Sam by 0600, providing the planes ran on time and he made it out of the office before someone could dump another stack of reports on his desk.

Jack turned out to be quite accurate in his assessment of his schedule, at a little before six the cab dropped him off in front of Sam's small home and he made his way up the walk and stopped at the door. He used his key and stealthily let himself inside, sliding his shoes off and padding around the floor in his socks so as not to wake the sleeping woman down the hall. He dropped his bag on the couch and immediately started pulling off his clothes as he made his way down the corridor. By the time he slipped inside her room he was clothed in just his boxers and socks.

He stopped at the sight of her asleep on the bed. She was dressed simply in panties and a large oversized Air Force sweat shirt which he knew to be his. She'd kicked the covers off and her bare legs were long, pale and smooth. Heached to run his hands down her lean limbs but stopped himself before his traitorous right hand threatened to wake her up. Her left arm was encased in a white cast, he could see bruising on her left cheek and a few scrapes marred her perfect skin, but other than that she was exactly how he remembered. Her long blonde hair was sprawled messily on the pillow and her eyes were closed tightly.

He slipped into the bed, rearranging the covers over them both and giving into the temptation **to press **his lips lightly onto the top of her head. She stirred at his touch and Jack tried to soothe her back to sleep, but she smiled sleepily, her eyes still closed.

"Are you going to give me a proper kiss hello?" her voice was warm and sleepy and struck a chord in his gut. It was so good to hear her voice in person; not tinny and distorted over a phone line.

He leant down and pressed his lips to hers, teasing her lips with his tongue before pulling away, mindful of her injuries. Her eyes opened and Jack lost himself for a moment as they stared at each other.

"Is that how you greet all strangers that slip into your bed in the night?" Jack asked teasingly.

"Calling yourself a stranger?" Sam asked lightly. She shifted onto her right side, letting her broken arm rest comfortably but allowing him to spoon behind her and wrap his arms around her waist. He pushed his face into her hair and breathed in her familiar scent.

"I may as well be a stranger given how little we see each other these days," Jack said softly, immediately regretting his words as Sam stiffened in his arms.

"I'm sorry for ruining the weekend," she sighed, "Damn temple floor fell out from under my feet."

Jack pressed another kiss into her head and tightened his arms around her, "Stop saying sorry, I didn't say that to blame you."

Sam stayed silent and Jack knew that as much as they had settled into their long distance relationship, it was still a struggle to find a balance sometimes. Especially when they spent so many weeks apart. Jack just kept reminding himself of the alternative, Carter every few weeks, or no Carter at all. No prizes for guessing which one he picked.

"I came here to be with you Carter," Jack said gently, "Doesn't matter where, so long as its wherever you are, broken arm and all."

He felt her relax slightly in his arms, "I guess I'm just cranky, I might have missed you a little bit…" She said sheepishly.

"Just a little bit?" Jack asked lightly, "Cos I missed you more than just a little bit, Carter."

She relaxed completely and Jack pulled her even closer, "Me too."

"What do you want to do this weekend?" Jack slid a warm hand under her shirt and stroked the soft skin of her belly.

"Umm, well I was planning to stay in bed…" Sam said, turning her head to kiss him deeply before pulling away slightly breathless, "You have a problem with that?"

"Nah," Jack's hand wandered a little higher under her shirt and he grinned as Sam hummed happily in response, "Your arm gonna be okay with that though?"

He felt the rumble of her laugh through her back, "We'll just have to be creative."

Jack's hand ventured over the smooth swell of her breast and he cupped it in his hand, caressing her skin and teasing her nipple with his fingertips, "I can be creative."

Much later, they lay curled together naked on the bed, the sheet tossed to the floorandJack's hand had returned to stroking the now slightly damp skin of her belly. He pressed a kiss into her shoulder and smiled.

"Hey Carter?"

"Yeah?" She was relaxed and her right hand rested lightly over his on her belly.

"Are we allowed to leave the bed for food and stuff?" Jack's stomach growled and Sam giggled.

"Yep," Sam rolled onto her back and poked him, "I'd like blueberry pancakes and a cup a coffee please."

Jack raised his eyes jokingly, "What am I? Your man slave?"

"Yep," Sam poked him again, this time a bit harder as her own stomach grumbled, "I'm hungry, go cook me food."

Jack smiled at her indulgently, knowing he was totally whipped, "Guess being a man slave is kinda kinky."

He got up off the bed and Sam swatted his bum lightly. He mock jumped in surprise, "Oh we haven't gotten to kinky yet," Sam giggled at him saucily, "We're being creative this weekend, remember?"

Jack swallowed, trying to ignore the messages his groin was sending to his brain: to get back into the damn bed and kiss her till that grin was wiped from her face.

"Ja-ack?" Sam's sing song voice called to him back to the present, "Pancakes. Coffee. Now."

Jack saluted her, "Yes ma'am."

He paused before he fully left the room, bending over her relaxed form on the bed. He pressed his lips to hers and stroked his fingers through her hair, "I love you Carter."

Sam smiled, and he thought maybe her eyes watered just a tad, "I love you too."

He pressed another kiss to her lips then got up and made his way into the kitchen, a grin on his face and a lightness to his step. He had blueberry pancakes to make and an entire weekend with Carter. What more could he want?

***

The End

Thanks to everyone for sticking around and reading, and to all those who left a review - thank you :)


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